I’m lumping the do’s and don’ts together.
- Neither me nor my husband have steel plates in our heads; yet.
- We both live in trailers.
- We don’t live on a former atomic testing site.
- Our child isn’t in the sex trade to supplement our family income.
- We don’t fry our food on the rocks (although we brewed coffee with a blowtorch once).
- We have a sense of taste in clothing (although more often than not, we’re semi filthy from doing some sort of project or another on the property).
- We don’t have a dog with a sinus infection but our cat slobbers profusely when petted.
- We both quit toting a beer around in a beer holster a long time ago.
- We sweat, but not as profusely as Cousin Eddy.
- We have a sense of social awareness, unlike Cousin Eddy.
- I did ask the tour guide where the damn bathroom was when we visited Hoover Dam.
- Our son hasn’t been kicked in the head by a mule; hopefully won’t ever be.
- We have to empty the shitter on a regular basis, just not into the sewer.
- Our son has a tongue.
- We haven’t had a case of lip fungus in our family within recent memory.
- We don’t have to deal with Mississippi Leg Hound Syndrome.
- Our garden isn’t spitting out 50 pound tomatoes. The deer ate them all.
Stories From Off The Grid. 